Gaslighting, a personality disorder?!
Has anyone lied or denied that he/she had never spoken a word about/ had never promised to do something which you had been looking forward to having?
Here is the answer- you are being taken for a ride by someone who is a narcissist/gaslighter.
” Is this a new phenomenon? I had never heard of that word earlier! God, can someone tell me WHAT IT IS?“
- When your colleague or your friend does something abusive and then denies it when confronted. You may feel “how could this person betray me”
- It is a kind of emotional abuse that goes unnoticed. ” I have known this person for a very long time and need to be in good books. It is okay for me to listen to him/her”.
- It is a practice in some relationships, where, the targeted victim can neither swallow nor spit the commitment / or come out of the vicious routine. ” I cannot even imagine him/ her being so crafty. How do I make him/ her understand that it hurts me “
- If this happens in an educational institution, the victim struggles to escape from the toxic relationship/ existence. ” How can I tell this to my people?”
Though we see this kind of friction in all kinds of institutions, we shall focus on the situations in schools. In schools, we see this kind of trauma, related to personality disproportion, between adults and between teenagers. With the friction in the cordial relationship, struggle, and frustration amongst the people creep in and the annoyance is always clearly written on their faces and can be palpably felt.
WHEN SHOULD YOU TAKE CHARGE OF YOURSELF? when can you know that someone is trying to wade into your personal space?
- When somebody speaks to you using sugar-coated words all the time and tries to be pretentious by telling blatant lies.” God, how sweetly he/ she speaks?! Can I go by this person’s suggestion”
- When you feel that someone whom you trust turns out to be an abuser and makes an attempt to sow self-doubt and confusion in your mind. ” Am I doing something wrong ?”
- When someone takes control of your decisions and forces you to follow his / her suggestion. “Why am I not allowed to decide what I want and why am I always forced to obey this person?”
- Mocks at your judgment and choice, in public and pretends to be apologetic. The Gaslighter’s behavior does not match his/her words. ” Why does this person belittle my decision”
- When you are sure that you want to move away from something or someone for your growth, the gaslighter confuses you by giving false Positive- reinforcement. ” should I trust this person’s words or not? I am confused !”
- When someone is clever enough to manipulate your thought process and also the proof presented for validation. ” I am unable to think when this person is around”
- Calls you “oh, you are too sensitive” “I know that you cannot do this” “Really! you are crazy!”. Hyperventilates and proves you wrong!!
- Makes you Suspect your self-worth and says “I knew that you would be spoiling this as would always do!”. This kind of criticism makes you doubt yourself and label yourself- jinxed. Further, you feel that you always wade into /venture into something which might be disruptive to others ” whenever I do something, it goes wrong and I feel I am good for nothing”
- Heralds and doubts your feelings, your intuition, your uncomfortable state of mind, or your behavior in a particular situation and calls you names.
- When a person persistently tries to convince you that you have a very bad memory and you tend to forget events intentionally. ” If he/ she is convincing me so much, it should be right “
- When someone tells you that you always overreact with people and in certain situations. ( you tend to feel the criticism coming very often when you feel that the person tries to get an upper hand in certain circumstances). ” why cannot he/ she understand what I feel and how I feel? why does he bombard me always after the chaos ?”
- When you feel that your so-called reliable person manipulates and takes credit for your achievement. Here, the person doesn’t acknowledge your contribution!! ” why…why…why did I work so hard to handover the credit to him/ her”
- And, you feel helpless, when caught at crossroads for no fault of yours!! ” What do I do…what do I do…….what do I do?”
WHY DOES THIS HAPPEN?
- You become the target if you are emotionally sensitive or a soft target to be somebody else’s pleasure / or to dance to somebody’s tunes.
- They are insecure and cannot take ‘N0’ from others. But, derive pleasure at your cost.
- They crave public attention and twist and turn the situations to make themselves look extremely good.
- It is a masked PERSONALITY DISORDER that has to be treated by counseling.
- Parents deny the fact when reported and blame the culture of the institution.
- One tends to feel that it is a one-time thing and forgives and brushes off the behavior, though it is humiliating at that instance.
- The gaslighter turns out to be defensive and speaks to you as if he/ she is doing a favor for your good.
- When you try to defend yourself, the gaslighter tightens the noose and targets you. That is sad.
- When you avoid any fight or conflict and do whatever you can do to earn the other person’s approval to maintain the relationship.
- The gaslighter makes you feel guilty by touching the nerve of emotion.
CONSEQUENCE – what will happen when you let someone play with your natural personality disposition
Drains your energy and sanity.
If you are young, do you feel that you can bear the brunt? Can you?!
Be careful! Gaslighters seem to be naive with a masked personality disorder. But, they can create a false narrative and portray you as INSANE/ UNORGANIZED/ IGNORANT/ UNDEMOCRATIC/ NON-RELIABLE/ CLINGY/ DRAMA QUEEN
